Day of remembrance
It was a bright sunny day in Hyderabad on 24th April 2015. It would be around 9:30 or 10 a.m. The sunlight was falling straight on my face passing through my white color window curtains. I was awake but didn’t want to leave my bed because, like every morning, I was waiting for a phone call. While I was lying under the sheets, I thought today I’ll fight with him. How can he forget to call and that too today when he is aware that I have an exam tomorrow and I can use as much time as I get to study. I was being restless but didn’t want to get up without that call. I was getting back and forth, changing sides of my bed.
In the end, my phone rang, and I was all in for that fight with him. I didn’t see the name on screen just said “Hello,” but this wasn’t the call for which I was waiting. On the other side, the voice was of my elder brother(cousin). I was up all of a sudden. He asked me to pack my bag with few clothes and check for a flight as soon as possible from Hyderabad to Delhi, and He’ll arrange and update me about the plan to travel to home town. I was like how he could say that I have my university exam tomorrow. And I asked, “Why, everything is fine there?” He then told me, “Your father is not doing well, He got a heart attack and hospitalized, and Papa asked him to call me because He wants to see me.” I said, “Okay,” and cut the call. I was terrified with the news, but my brother said the last line made the whole situation suspicious.
After that, I don’t know what was wrong with me. I called on my father’s number, but no one was picking up. Then I started dialing on my mother’s and brother’s phone, but no one was picking my calls; at last, my other brother(cousin) picked up the phone call and said everything is fine, don’t be late, everyone is waiting for you and busy in the hospital. The whole thing got started suspicious and struck fear into my heart. Meanwhile, I called Prateek (current husband then boyfriend) about the situation, and He said He is taking leave and coming to my hostel.
After that, like a maniac, I called every person in my family or friends who I supposed would be in my local town. Some people avoided my calls; some picked it up and said Papa is all right; want to see you. The line “just want to see you” in these 23 years, if I have understood him a little bit, he can never say this while He knew the next day I had an exam.
I want to study, but he made it possible and became a shield for me if someone tried to pull me down because of the gender somethings I cannot do. I knew He could not call me today. Something was wrong at home, and no one was telling me the truth. Suddenly I screamed Papa on my full strength, and tears started rolling down on my face.
Someone from my neighbor’s room heard that, and they came and asked what happened and gave me so positive points and helped me get up from my bed, pack my bag, and leave. The earliest flight I could get for that day was 20:05. I got outside because Prateek was here. Like a maniac, I was calling everyone asking questions if I could hear any background noise and understand the situation. My younger cousin was like, “everything is fine, Didi. You come here, then we all will go to meet Bade Papa with you.” I wasn’t getting any assurance because No one could connect with my mother or brother if Papa is in hospital.
Prateek tried a lot to calm me, but everything was in vain. Negative thoughts were all around me, and I was trying to be positive with all my strength. Finally, Kaka (my younger brother) called me and said, “Don’t worry, Pooja Everything is fine. I was in Agra just arrived now waiting for you to come, then we both will go to meet Papa, and Mummy is with him; that’s why not able to pick your call.”
After talking to him, I got relaxed a lot. As my flight was late, I started searching for the best hospitals in Lucknow or Delhi with the best cardiologist or how I have to take care of my father’s health, and I have decided I won’t leave his side until he is healthy. That time I used to have faith in God, my flight was already late. I asked Prateek to visit a temple and ask for a chance and time till I reach there, then I’ll give my best in his care, and He will recover.
The time came I have to check-in; I left for the airport. Prateek accompanied me till the gate, and after that, I was all alone with my thoughts. I checked-in and waiting for the boarding call. I tried everything listening to music and reading a book; I was still nervous or restless. I wasn’t able to concentrate on anything my mind struck at that point, and I wasn’t able to picture how everything would be back at home. Before boarding the flight, I got a call, my aunt will join me at Delhi airport from Mumbai. And Her flight was arriving after mine.
My mind so much consumed by thoughts about what I’ll do after reaching there and how I have to care Papa, mummy, and Kaka that I never give a second thought about why my aunt is coming on such short notice. I reached Delhi. From there, I have to travel with my cousin and aunt, but we had to wait for my aunt because her flight was late. I was asking a lot of questions, and he was also giving the same answers. It’s like there was a script, and everyone is answering from that. When my aunt arrived, we started for my home, which is around 5 hours away by road. I tried to en-quire my aunt also on our way home, but her answer to all questions was, “She doesn’t know anything.”
Again for five hours, I was all consumed in my surfing and thoughts. Everyone asked me to ate something. It’s very late; you haven’t had anything since morning; we still have time. And I was adamant about my condition that I won’t eat until I see Papa.
Finally, we were about to reach about 5mins away from my home; before that, I observed it’s 8 o’clock here; these shops should be open, but everything was closed, and silently aunt also started crying, and I had no idea what’s happening. When we move a little bit ahead, like 1 min away, many people gathered there, and that road was all blocked in front of my house, and I could hear the voice of crying and screaming. I was stunned and just asked, “Buaji, Why are you crying? What’s wrong?” She didn’t reply and went outside the car.
For me, the time has stopped there. I felt please someone wake me up from this dream; I felt drowning inside the car seat. All my brothers came. They tried to pull me out of the car, and I screamed, “I want Papa, Please tell where he is.” I saw in a corner Kaka was sitting and crying a lot a little further away; my mother didn’t have any idea she was screaming like a maniac or not speaking at all. And I saw all this standing, and then I saw on ice bricks under a glass box there was my Papa.
I wrote this blog just to let it out from inside. I also got these flashbacks of Papa inside the glass box on ice blocks and made me weak the way they made me when this was happening. Another memory of our conversations came in my mind when we were returning home after completing my admission for Masters in HCU. We were inside the waiting room of the railway station waiting for our train. Suddenly Papa said, “Will you be okay so far away from all of us.” I said, “Yes,” and then he said, “What if anything happens to me? I won’t be able to see you.” I said, “Why anything will happen to you and put my head on his chest.” He pats on my head, gives a tight hug to me, and said, “Yes, nothing will happen, you just focus on your study and let me known as ‘Pooja’s Father.’”
