Why and How Patriarchy is bad for everyone?

I am a feminist and getting better day by day by self-introspection and reading a lot about the issues. It takes so much strength and open-mindedness to understand and introspect yourself not to fall prey to Patriarchy. As I am writing this blog and I can remember an instance of another day when I was feeling bad about our meal getting prepared by my partner all alone because I was too tired and having a call with my mother and she said, “Primarily it’s your job, and he also would be tired, so go and help him.” Before you start judging my mother, I want to give a little context about my background. In India, rural and urban landscapes are totally different. I was born and raised for starting 14 years of my life in rural India. Later I moved to diverse metropolitan cities and started exploring myself. I was thinking more about this context, why Patriarchy’s fall has been so tricky for ages, and why strong and independent women are still portrayed as witches. In my opinion, there are a few significant issues in our society, which we have because of

Religion

I don’t know if the real reason is religion or religious institutions. I found standard in all the religions that men’s dogma is superior and powerful than women. I had read about witch-hunting on the name of religion when any woman tried to go against society’s rules and standards. As I have been brought up in a religious Hindu family and adopted to atheism. I would like to give some context from my experiences of how religion helped make sure that Patriarchy stays in society, e.g.:

Rituals and beliefs, we celebrate and worship the goddesses, and on the contrary, the wife is the one who touches the feet of the husband and keeps fast for the children or husband’s well-being and longer life. I have never heard of any fast/festival where the Husband/Father keep the fast for his wife or children. That also comes onto the shoulder of the female caretaker of the family. No one can question it because it’s the roots of our society and our religion’s values.

Wedding Vows, if you have heard and given a thought about those vows, they are very misogynist. They have been fixed for ages, unlike other religions. For a glimpse, I’ll reiterate a few of the sentences from those

The groom’s responsible for welfare, happiness, and earning for his family, and in return, the bride has to provide him food and help whenever he needs it.

Why define works based on gender and why they can’t be shared responsibilities?

The groom hopes for a wealthy and prosperous future for both of them, and in return, the bride has to be loyal to him, putting every other man in her life as secondary.

I heard that “the bride has to be loyal to him.” many times in the vows.

But never heard they ever say “groom also has to be loyal to her.” Why does the only groom deserve loyalty and the bride doesn’t earn her freedom to decide on her own to prioritize others?

Mensuration, Have you ever seen any women priest in the temple? I doubt that because I have never seen any, they are so rare if they would be. What makes them unfit for this work? Because they menstruate every month, and mensuration is a taboo or weakness in Patriarchal society. The irony is each human being is a by-product of this taboo. Few temples in India do not even allow women to enter the premises after a certain age (when they start menstruating). The protector of these religious societies made a norm not to allow women to enter any holy or sacred places while menstruating. I can understand these practices were relevant earlier, as there was an evident lack of knowledge and personal hygiene. But I failed to convince that why these practices are still in society?

These are a few of my observations from the Hindu religion, and we all know in any organized religion, females don’t get the right to equality. Faith made these rituals, customs, and practices so deep-rooted in our day-to-day lives that we don’t even realize that we are part of this system. We are not allowed to question these customs because religion is above criticism.

Women, as a Property

When you shift your sight towards rural India, which is 65–70% of the total population, I often felt women not considered more than a property or an object in the house. First, she is a family liability, sugar-coated with the word honor of the family, and later transferred to be a “Grah Lakshmi.” Earlier, the protector would be father or brother, and after marriage, the protector is her husband.

Treating women like an object just doesn’t stop there; parents focus or worry more about their daughter’s marriage than concentrating on her education or career. Despite her being a brilliant child, parents take pride in accepting, “I haven’t sent my daughter outside of the town for further studies, so she doesn’t come into bad influence, or worse so she won’t choose a partner for herself.”

Whenever I hear these words, it makes me feel suffocated. I start having doubts about the whole existence of Women.

Toxic Masculinity

It took me a while to understand the term “toxic masculinity” and how it stands in the fall of Patriarchy. Women are not the only victims of this sick mentality; even men suffer a lot because of this masculinity trait. According to this, men can’t be vulnerable and empathetic, so they have to suppress emotions and mask their distress by showing themselves strong and powerful. The end result is often violence, be it child abuse, domestic violence, or sexual abuse.

There is a superficial man box, and every male tries to fit in that man box; if not, either he or someone else has to pay the price. At best, he risks invisibility. At worst, he risks disrespect, name-calling, and bullying. In a few extreme cases, even violence.

The Expectation of Perfectionism and Compromises

While rural women have their own battles to fight, urban women’s struggle is no less complicated. I can’t say which one’s life is better because one didn’t get a chance to explore herself and another trying to fulfill the expectation of two people’s jobs. “Work and Family.”

In urban India, Women have the liberty of good education, often equal upbringing, think about their future and career, but still have to fit in perfect daughter, wife, daughter-in-law, and mother. They can choose their profession or work, but their priority should be family. When they fail to balance both, the expectation from family is “Leave the job.”

• Why family doesn’t have expectations from the Male partner to take full responsibility and leaves the job?
• Why always expect compromises from a wife or mother?
• Why it can’t be shared responsibility of both partners to managing family, home, and kids?

I think that’s where toxic masculinity comes in the picture and stops society’s males from compromising or supporting their partners.

Motherhood

I know biologically, males can’t share the responsibility here, but why not after 9 months or kid is out of her mother’s womb. When Father chooses to care for the child, society applauds that, but if the mother thinks about her career, ambitions, or happiness over the child, the community starts judging her as if she doesn’t have a life or rights. Why Motherhood or Fatherhood is so different? Why can’t we make it Parenthood?

In the end, I just want to conclude my opinion in a single statement. “Patriarchy is neither problem of only one gender nor because of a single gender.”